My Life is Tomorrow

Hello all-- I'm pleasantly surprised to learn that some of you read this and get as much humor out of my life as I do.  I've been laying in bed tossing and turning for a while trying to sleep, but that hamster wheel of a mind of mine never seems to slow down.  Normally, I would just pop in an old VHS and call it a night (yes, VHS.  I have a dual DVD/VHS player but the DVD portion of the duo unfortunately broke and my 300 lb 20in Sanyo is too old school to hook up new DVD players to it).  However, I'm trying to rid my life of all my vices-- yeah I didn't know What About Bob? on VHS was a vice either.  It's a whole new me, what can I say.

I know you're all dying to know how this food substitute ruining my life diet is going.  Well, it's rough but I've lost 4 lbs since last week...yaaay go me.  I'm not sure how; I ate like a regular patron at Golden Corral all week bc I kept thinking of it as "my last hurrah."  I think that's how I got here.  Every week I was going to change something so every week I ate like a competitive eater.  Anyway, that phase is hopefully out of my life and food and I can start being chums instead of possible guests on Intervention.  I talked to my "counselor" when I went to get measured, weighed and judged for my decisions.  I mentioned this vegetable hatred to her and she had a simple solution-- drink V8 bc a guy she sees, professionally, has this same conundrum and has lost 50 lbs by drinking it.  Well, I thought about it for a while, even went to the gas station and bought one (it came in two flavors, regular and Hot and Spicy)...but have left it at work since Wednesday in the cooler.  Probably intentionally.  If I wanted to drink vomit, I might give it the old college try, however I prefer not to voluntarily have that terrible burning in the back of my throat that feels like I just ralphed into the bushes after doing a keg stand my freshman year of college. Cripes, can you imagine what kind of after taste the Hot and Spicy flavor would have?  Sickening.  I'll try and remember to bring it home tomorrow-- I'll let you know how it goes.

On another note, I think I've become so engrossed in my job that I can't let it go when I leave.  Today, my roommates and I went to Wal-mart and one of my roommates was sitting in the cart throwing a fit.  Well I just don't stand for fits, especially about nothing and especially when I had already been dealing with them for 8 hours.  So I got close enough to my roommate's face so that he could probably feel my hot breath (we had just eaten Mexcian...don't chastise me, mind your beeswax) and I pointed at him and sternly told him to, "knock it off or he was going to go straight to bed when we got home."  P.S. My roommate is 2 1/2 years old.  I'm not a control freak... Anywho, I must have said it loudly bc when I turned around I had at least 3 people staring at me like I had just clocked him with the value size bag of frozen peas or something and his mother (my other roommie, Jess) was bright red with what seemed to be embarrassment.  I'm also assuming they assumed Jess and I were lesbians as I was yelling at a child who clearly wasn't mine and I'm pretty sure I used the term we and I was walking around in a hoodie with a black and white Columbia jacket on (as Eric Rosendall *ahem* refers to it, my Raiders jacket), carrying no purse, while Jess pushed and put things in the cart.  They also probably assumed I must wear the pants in the relationship.  I can only imagine what I would have inferred had I seen the same thing.  But man, people are WAAAAY too sensitive with children these days.  I see it first hand everyday.  The next generation is going to be a huge bunch of wieners who don't know how to do anything but complain about people hurting their feelings. 

Tomorrow starts my isolation experiment.  I'm going to be super lame and stay in every night this weekend.  I find that if the temptation isn't there I have no problem telling it to get lost.  Kind of seems like cheating, doesn't it?  I'm also babysitting 9 am Saturday until 4-5pm Sunday.  So, really it kind of worked out and probably won't be that difficult.  I don't think the 6 and 2 yr old are going to be badgering me to go clubbing Saturday night.  I have been imagining all of the things I could be doing with this extra free time and money.  Well, the money I'll save for Florida in May, but the time...well here are my new amusing initiatives in no particular order:
1) Learn to play the guitar that I just had to have 5 years ago and played for a week before I lost interest.

2) Decorate my room.   I need to spruce it all up and make it look like an adult lives in my room.  A new bedding set would be nice considering this bedding I bought at Meijer last summer is already missing buttons and is faded and pretty much looks like I bought it off of the clearance rack at the Goodwill.  The headboard n' what not I have for this bed dwarfs my entire room when it is set up due to the fact that I think most standard office cubicles are bigger than my room.  So, I sleep with my mattress and box spring on the floor.  I've lived here for almost 2 years and I keep thinking it's temporary so I never bother to hang anything up.  With the rate I'm going at finishing a f-ing bachelor's degree...I should just get comfortable.  I'm here until December at the very least.

3)  Find new awesome music to put on my iPod.  I got a new laptop a few months ago...I never bothered to transfer anything...I found my iPod cord the other day....a friend gave me a few cds...that's about as far as I've gotten.  I'll seek it out for myself this time.  Oh, and on one of these CD's is a song you must listen to that I found annoyingly catchy but F-Bomb laden....it's by Lily Allen...who I've always scoffed at but really never knew anything she sang.. and it's called F**k You.  Mom, I'm pretty sure you won't find this amusing, and I don't think I want you listening to such perverse language.  I heard it on my way to work today and it was stuck in my head ALL day--after you hear it, you'll understand why it sucked having this stuck in my head while working with 3 year olds all day, I couldn't let it out.

4) Yoga-- somewhere I have a yoga DVD.  That's all.
5)  Start writing that children's book I've been meaning to write.  I wrote it for my Children's Lit class years ago-- it has a good premise, potential for a series, and is quite funny but needs major revisions.  I'm not sharing any details though with you...you might try to burgle my idea.  Kidding, but no really, I won't tell you.  See, if I become a famous author, or just a mediocre tri-state kind of famous...I could afford to travel more.  This is key.


Well, only 6 more lovely hours until I drag my hesitant arse out of bed.  I should probably try to sleep.  I think I'll have one more love affair with my VHS player which means I'll have to pick something intrepid (this was the synonym I chose for epic because I wanted to use it but I am so entirely sick of the word EPIC, I hate everything it stands for...except for intrepid, gallant, and bodacious).  You all should try finding a synonym for that word too, I know you use it.  Move on.  I think I'll go with Mrs. Doubtfire again.

Night all!