Greetings near and far to my faithful readers who have learned to accept the disappointment of my procrastination! I have come to share my amusing initiatives over the last, I don't know 5 months?
I have but this to say: Holy crap. I am finally graduating in a few short weeks. What am I supposed to do after that? I haven't had to be a real adult...well ever. I've been enjoying all of the PERKS of being an adult...but have yet to really experience real adulthood...you know, like paying bills with money that isn't borrowed or obtained from another generous source. I've been using college as that proverbial crutch to never really have to do anything important or significant as an adult-- professionally anyways. I happen to think the 8 Dave Matthews Band concerts and multiple vacations paid for by my future 30 yr old self (who will probably be a little pissed) were more than significant and borderline legendary. However, while I am more than enthusiastic and excited that I never have to write another report about why I believe Suzy punches Kenny in the back of the head at story time or why Rachel eats her boogers, I am becoming increasingly petrified as I think about the fact that someone is going to pay me to educate children. And that I will be making some sort of mark on their lives forever. For some reason, I envisioned footprints in wet sand as I wrote that last comment...framed on someone's wall. Certainly not mine, the wall and surroundings were too nice.
Why would someone want to trust me with their children? Yes, I can make sure they don't wander into the rough suburban parking lot and engage in a rumble with the Sharks and aren't rubber cement in the bathroom, but teach them? Educate them? This is a lot to chew. However, I have had a wonderful student teaching experience and I feel prepared. Sort of. There are a few things I've regretted mentioning to my students, later, after I think about the things they go home and tell their parents they learned at school.
Exhibit A: With Veteran's day approaching, I was talking with my students about Heroes. The very short, broad informationless book we were reading together had examples of how we honor heroes--i.e. buildings, monuments, statues, etc,. Oh, and let's not forget money. And let's not forget the first thing I chose to tell the students about the coin of choice that was represented. It was a half dollar. With JFK. "Miss O., what president is that?" (As we had discussed that almost all of U.S. currency is branded with the face of a president...and honestly, this says little for me as a teacher, I couldn't remember who was on every single bill and at risk of sounding like a moron to the seasoned substitute in the room, I opted out of that discussion. Stop judging me). "Why, that is John F. Kennedy. He was one our of great presidents. But someone shot and killed him in a parade." You should have seen the horror on their innocent faces. The room that is usually buzzing with chatter and students either crawling on the floor or bedazzling their own t-shirts with scissors and markers was uncomfortably silent. I tried to quickly move on but a wave of hands flew up in the air. "Why would someone want to kill him?" "Because they didn't like the things he had to say and stood for." "Who shot him?" There are times I really regret forgetting I am teaching KINDERGARTEN. Did I mention that?? Yes, I mentioned murder to a group of kindergartners without considering the repercussions. Great. I will probably get a slew of e-mails from parents in the morning wondering why the only thing I taught their children about JFK is that he was ruthlessly murdered. Why couldn't I have just mentioned his name and moved on?? I did this efficiently when talking about Abraham Lincoln--the kids just thought of him as an old dude, not someone who was assassinated while enjoying the theater. These social studies lessons are killing me--the next story is comparable.
Exhibit B: We had been talking about the community, its leaders, the people who make the community work and also....Animal Workers. We had yet another brief (now I'm figuring for good reason) book about animal helpers-- and to my surprise the second animal worker mentioned was a monkey who opens refrigerators and turns pages of phone books for people who are paraplegics. Really? They get monkeys to open doors and bring them things to eat? Can I just have one to do stuff like that for me because I'm lazy and would like to pretend I'm rich enough for servants? Anywho, aside from the llamas, donkeys and elephants that were also mentioned (no, there were no cats, because cats suck and don't do anything but make things smell bad) there was of course a couple of pages about dogs. Guide dogs and police dogs. We talked about what guide dogs do as well as police dogs. "Police dogs felp sniff out bad people". "Police dogs can smell fire". "Police dogs can bring you your paper". For some UNEXPLAINABLE reason, due to lack of mindfulness of the grade level, my response to all of these cute responses is, "Police dogs also help sniff out drugs." As you can imagine, the first question is, "What are drugs?" Great. By mentioning the word drugs to a group of 5 and 6 year olds I have probably created at least 3 meth addicts and 5 pot smoking hippies who wind up on an episode of Intervention and have a picture of me blurred out on the screen as the gateway to their addictions--before they even get to high school. I explained that, "drugs are things that really bad people like to have." I tried to continue on talking about a dog's impeccable sense of smell, but the next response I got was, "Why do bad people like to have drugs?" Of course I said, "because they do. because they are very bad." WHY DID I HAVE TO MENTION THIS?? I quickly dismissed the children from the alphabet rug they were sitting criss-cross applesauce on and put on a movie about Guide Dogs. Hoping, praying that they would forget the word "drugs" and think about how awesome guide dogs are. Ironically, I ran into a chair and a table while I was talking to them during the guide dog video and nearly broke my face. I hope that's the most memorable experience they took home that night.
Aside from being a failure at teaching appropriate social studies topics to kindergartners, I am pretty excited to be graduating and hopefully getting the chance to be a real teacher. I will for sure be that teacher that all the students either hope to get because it is nearly impossible for me to be serious all day-- or the teacher that students go on to write children's books about because I'm so weird...I can see it now... "My Teacher is an Alien from a Planet in Outer Space that Teaches Toddlers About Drugs." Maybe I can get royalties. It's going to be so different teaching elementary school as compared to pre-school. I can't EVER get away with messing up or mumbling a word. The room can be as loud as a stadium and they will all stop and laugh at me and tell me all about the word I mispronounced. They have eagle ears, yes eagle ears, when they want to. Sneaky jerks.
Honestly though, I am so freaking excited. I can't wait to share more stories of my bird-brained teaching experiences. I am literally bounding with ideas about what I am going to do with my classroom when some poor principal takes a chance on a 25--crap I'm turning 26 soon.... 26 yr old applicant with a 7-yr bachelor's degree. It will be amazing. Let me tell you. I'm sure there is a bit of naivety in my belief and hope for my career as a teacher, but I don't care. It's going to be awesome and I'm going to be the coolest teacher on the block. I'll work out that whole "age-appropriate" thing in due time. I have finally reconnected with my passion for teaching and remember why I chose this career path. I made it! Well, almost. I still have a test to take and a portfolio to pass...but I'm sure that's fine...I left out that I talk to my students about drugs and murder.
Well, here's to next time! Hopefully it will be after I've graduated and get that IU diploma (that I will of course pretend came straight from IU Bloomington for street cred).
Cheers all :)
--Blanche
