Kindergartners Slay Me

Dear Friends,

   Well, I have certainly been through a lot of monster sized changes since the last you heard from me.  Granted, everyone probably already knows considering the only people that read this are my Facebook friends where I regularly update you all on my life that I seem to find noteworthy for everyone else to read about. 

   1)  I am a full-blown, mediocre Kindergarten teacher.  Kidding about the mediocre part-- though sometimes it feels that way.  I had forgotten how hilarious five year olds are.  There is never a dull day nor is there ever an easy day.  Some days all day long all I hear is "Miss Overmyer!  Miss Overmyer!! MISS OVERMYER!!!!"  How I respond, "Yes, dear, what is that you need??"  What I'm thinking, "WHAT!  FOR CRIPES SAKE, WHAT IS IT THAT IS SO IMPORTANT YOU HAVE TO REPEAT MY NAME FIVE HUNDRED TIMES WITH AN INCREASING DECIBEL!!!!!"  What they usually respond with, "Jerry (yes, Jerry, I dislike the standard Billy as a name for a random child, I've never met a child named Billy--Jerrys are just as uncommon) sticked his tongue out at me and told me he's not my friend (the ULTIMATE diss for a kid)," OR "I have to pee!"  There are some days that I'd kick a bunny if it let out a squeak that sounded remotely like my name...do rabbits make noises?  At the end of the day, I'm glad to no longer be Miss Overmyer....sometimes.  Other days, I marvel at the fact that I have the incredible pleasure of teaching.  Some days are just so fantastic, I literally can't help but grin like an idiot--example: the day I discovered one of my students could read and another could count to 100 and identify every number.  It might sound like a standard feat, but for this age it's comparable to climbing Mt. Everest.

 I had had one exceptional day a couple of weeks ago, where everything in my personal and professional life was going tremendously and I was in such a great mood, that I couldn't help but sing with full expression in my car on the way home.  Music of choice: Boys II Men.  Song of choice:  I'll Make Love to You--NOT RELATED TO ANYTHING, just happens to be 1 of 3 songs I know on that CD.  I caught myself making the intense arm movements like I was pulling and shoving the air waves around as I sang as loudly as I could, killing the deep/low male speaking voice parts (ex: Baby, I'm sorry, please forgive me for all the wrong I've done) and then noticed that I was in full blown traffic and must have looked like a nutjob as I attempted to recreate the music video in the driver's seat of my car.  Singing to myself.  And then I just started crying laughing at myself as I imagined what I looked like from another's perspective--granted the laughter was partly because I've always thought that one of my friend's boyfriends is the long lost member of Boys II Men and  envisioned him in the music video performing as well.  Yes, that's how great a good day of teaching makes me feel.  But then the bad days, are bad but not because of the students.  They are because I get frustrated that I can't successfully get my students to understand something that is WAY beyond their level of thinking but they are expected to know how to do, and well.  Speaking of this, I must break and rant a minute.

Parents-- I have come to the conclusion that you need to do some reconfiguring with your genetics and produce super babies that emerge from the womb reading with expression and poise in the nursery at the hospital to all of his peers, because as the laws of what children need to know coming INTO Kindergarten as well as when they leave continue to change, that's really the only possible way to accomplish what they expect.  It is amusing in the way that one would laugh at the idea of the government telling a farmer his corn stalks need to start producing watermelons.  People forget that these kids are FIVE.  Five whole years they've been on this earth and they are expected to do things that we didn't learn until second grade-- when they finish Kindergarten.  They tell us to focus on the individual child yet they are all expected to perform on the exact same level with NO exceptions.  Who can do that? Except for maybe Bob Ross?  They are five.  I have their full attention for approximately six minutes at a time.  If someone farts or says underwear, they're in outer space for the next twenty.  But they are expected to write paragraphs-- yes that is plural-- and discriminate between formative and narrative texts when they write--and rated on a rubric that at the highest label them as being "proficient" as a writer.   These kids are just learning to write their names and we are asking them to start writing research papers and be proficient in any subject beyond the basics?  Leave the education laws to those who are actually actively involved in the classroom and schools on a DAILY basis.  Kindergarten isn't playing games, eating warm cookies and milk at snack time and no, they don't take naps.  They get 20 minutes of recess a day.  That's it.  Some days they may fall asleep due to exhaustion.  I don't always wake them up. 

All that aside, teaching isn't a job.  It's a dedication to empowering the lives of others. Now that I finally have my own classroom, I find myself wanting to do things better for those students because I know how much they deserve it.  They inspire me to be a better teacher every day.  It's amazing to work in a profession in which it's no longer about the pay check and it becomes about the work you're doing-- and being passionate about it.  My students have taught me more about life in these few short weeks than I have figured out in my 26.7.  They are also hilarious.  Here are some memorable moments:

A) Day One, Circle Time, Introductions:  One of my students stands up, pulls his shirt over his head so only his face remains, puts arms in a 90 degree angled fashion and says, "I am Cornholio and I need TP for my bunghole."  True story.  A five year old quoted Beavis & Butthead.  At circle time. 

B)  One of my students, who is very well intentioned and actually pretty sweet, had regularly been getting in trouble for being "unfriendly" to others and had told another student, "If you be friends with her, I'm going to punch you in the face."  We had a little chat about what it means to threaten people.  She swears it's not her fault she said it.  The next day she frolics in and says to me, "Miss Overmyer!  I'm not going to tell anyone I want to punch them in the face today!"  I expressed my deep gratitude.  She had a couple of more rough days and finally one day, in the morning, she came to me and said, "Miss Overmyer, you look very beautiful today.  My mom told me to say that, she said you'd like it."   It turns out I'm as big of a sucker for empty compliments as I am for the genuine.

C)  One morning, I was assessing students' knowledge in English Language Arts.  I have one child who is so hilarious that I make time to have a conversation with him every day because of how much he makes me smile and I appreciate the way his brain works.  I was asking him letters of the alphabet when he blurted out, "MISS OVERMYER DO YOU WATCH STAR WARS?"  "No, dear, I do not."  He went on to tell me all about light sabres and R2D2.

D)  I was having trouble with a student not following directions and having trouble keeping his hands to himself.  I finally had a chat with him about why he behaves this way, and here it is verbatim:

Me:  Do you like getting in trouble?
Boy:  No.
Me:  Do you act like this for your parents?
Boy: No.
Me:  Why not?
Boy:  Because they're nice.
Me:  And I'm not nice?
Boy:  Well you're not so nice, but you're kinda nice.

I have found myself trying to make this kid like me ever since. 

E)  I sometimes like to join in on the fun at recess.  It always surprises the kids and they go INSANE.  One girl turned to me and said, "Miss Overmyer!  You can't come up here-- you're too chubby."  "I'm too what?"  Quickly realizing I took slight offense she restated, "You're too tall!"  Yes, hint taken. 

I must also mention that in Kindergarten, when there isn't a bathroom in the room, going to the bathroom becomes a novelty--it also becomes contagious.  You wouldn't believe the outbreak of suddenly maxed out bladders that occur in my room when ONE kid asks to go.  I've never gone more than 10 minutes without someone asking me if they can go to the bathroom.  What they actually do when they are down there, I shall never know.  I'm almost sure it is not used for its intended purpose.  Oh, Kindergartners also like to lick things?  Like pants and tables.

More hilarities to come later.

2)  I bought a house!  I can finally be an official adult and move out of my parents' guest room and start paying bills.  It's adorable.  I gain possession Thanksgiving weekend.  I'd post a picture, but someone will probably come and murder me or tell their friends to rob my house of my Hand me Down furniture and refrigerator magnets. 

When I had first started house hunting, I had this insane vision of a brand spanking new house out Southwest, with white trim, granite counter tops, stainless steel appliances and imagined myself entertaining royalty in my living room...until I saw my paycheck with all deductions taken out.  Yikes.  I can afford to entertain... vagrants?  Kidding, it's a sweet little abode built in the 1950's with lots of character.  I've been doing nothing but "pinning" on Pinterest these last few days.  I have tens of tens of great ideas of things to do to my house, like refurbishing old furniture-- but we all know I will probably do one of those ideas, and only complete half of it because it was taking too long and I became bored.  And it will sit in my garage...until I move again in five years, where I will rediscover it, spend a day trying to finish it again and then ultimately just end up leaving it behind and hope the new homeowners take care of its disposal for me.  But, it's the thought that counts right?  I'm curious to find out if having my OWN home will encourage me to be neater. 

Probably not.  Call me before you stop by so I can shove things into closets and under the bed. 


I guess I didn't have as many new and awesome changes as I had initially thought. Regardless, I love being able to tell people I'm a Kindergarten teacher when they ask about my profession.  I no longer have to tell them I'm almost graduated or a substitute (not that subbing isn't a good job--it might be the hardest, I just like the ownership).  Hooray!

I wish for everyone to have careers and lives they love.

Sunshine Wishes,
Miss Overmyer